Mother-in-law snoops in daughter-in-law's suitcase, criticizes her honeymoon swimsuit choice: 'My husband said I shouldn't have let her near the suitcase at all'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 2, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Nobody likes being judged for their choices. We all go around every day, trying to do the best for ourselves and our families. Decision-making can be a really tough trip for some of us wafflers. If you're anything like me, you'll mull over the simplest decisions for days and days, hoping that you make the right one. You hedge back and forth on simple choices, hoping to avoid judgment, disappointment, or conflict. So with that said, it hurts when you do receive judgment. Usually, it's feedback that you didn't ask for. 

You know the old saying, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all," but not everybody has internalized that axiom. Some people just can't keep their judgments to themselves, no matter how hard they try. Maybe they're not trying, and maybe that's the point. But it's hard to let criticism roll off your back, especially if it's coming from somebody you love and trust. Or if it's coming from a new family member that you're trying to impress. 

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  • That's what happened to one bride whose mother-in-law had a lot to say about her clothing choices for her upcoming honeymoon. But when she tried to defend herself in front of her, she ended up making everybody upset. But she still wasn't sure if it was her fault, so she turned to the internet to see what others had to say.

  • A woman packs a suitcase on her bed.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Was I wrong for calling my MIL ill- mannered for going through my suitcase and criticizing my bikini?

    Hi, my husband and I got married in June, and we're about to board the plane to our honeymoon. We've been with each other for almost a year and a half. Last night my in-laws were at our place to wish us goodbye before we went for our honeymoon (they live half an hour away). She was asking me to put some vitamin tablets as
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • well, and offered to put in my suitcase. This is where it may have been my fault, first I said thanks I'll put it, she said its ok she can put it, and I said ok, you can put it in the inner zipper. Turns out she actually went through the clothes and she came across a fairly revealing bikini I had bought for this occasion. She asked me if I
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • was really planning on taking this along, I kind of lost my cool because I was embarassed and said please don't go through our private stuff it's ride and ill- mannered. She then said a honeymoon doesn't have to mean that I wear revealing clothes on public beaches (we're Muslim and she's a bit more conservative I
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • guess). I said our relationship and our honeymoon is our own and not for her to comment on. It might also be relevant to mention that my husband and I never told our families that we were in a physical relationship while we were seeing each other before our marriage, just that we were meeting up (my
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • mom knows though, my dad doesn't or at least I don't think so, don't think either of his know). So, my point is my MIL has a misplaced idea of mine and my husband's relationship.
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • She was very affronted by what I said, and said I'm the one who didn't have manners, that all she wanted to do was help. My husband talked to her in private and tried to explain that I felt violated even if she meant well. The mood had soured, and my in- laws wished us a good trip and left
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon
  • soon after. My husband said I shouldn't have let her near the suitcase at all if this was the case, and that while he had spoken to her about boundaries, I should'nt have reacted without thinking. We decided to not let this affect our honeymoon and we didn't talk about it again. But it was just on my mind right now. While he left to get us something to eat, I thought I'd quickly as if I was TA, and if so maybe I'll admit it, to get our honeymoon off to a clean start.
    via u/abouttogoonhoneymoon

  • Commenters saw this behavior for what it was.

    WhereWeretheAdults 13h ago • NTA. MIL set you up. She could have easily handed you the vitamins but she "had" to put them in your suitcase. She was going into this looking for dirt. Your MIL does have a misplaced idea of you and your husband's relationship, she thinks she's part of it.
    via u/WhereWeretheAdults
  • MistySky1999 • 13h ago NTA. And now you know why she was so insistent on packing those vitamins herself. She wanted a good rummage through your things in order to give her public opinion. That wasn't accidental.
    via u/MistySky1999
  • • hydraheads ⚫ 13h ago NTA also you should never let someone put stuff into your suitcase
    via u/hydraheads
  • A suitcase with an elegant lady on it.
    via Mihaela Claudia Puscas

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • oliviamrow • 13h ago NTA. She is ill-mannered. She offered to put the vitamin tablets in your suitcase for you (an odd offer) and ignored you about where to put it because she wanted to dig through your suitcase. (I
    via u/oliviamrow
  • wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she fully intended to find fault in something you packed, no matter what you had packed.) The Petty Crocker in me would've wanted to reply to the public beaches comment with something like "Oh,
    via u/oliviamrow
  • that's not for the beach. That's for the hotel room. Do you want to hear all the details of what we'll be doing there, how often and in what positions? Since you're nosing around in our private business." (I don't recommend this approach. I just enjoy the fantasy.)
    via u/oliviamrow
  • You husband needs to step up when it comes to his mother because she did violate your privacy, full stop, and with no shame. Of course you lost your cool when someone did something so grossly inappropriate and he needs to run interference.
    via u/oliviamrow
  • 666POD 13h ago • NTA. She had no business going through your suitcase or commenting on your beach wear or your s life. Your husband is wrong for defending her actions and her attitude. You gave her permission to slip the item.
    via u/666POD
  • into a zipped area, not to search it like a KGB agent or the Ministry of Female Modesty. The fact that you two had s before marriage is none of her business and doesn't justify her invasive search of your bag.
    via u/666POD
  • captaintightpantzz 13h ago • NTA now you know to keep a firm distance from your MIL. She is not your friend and I would not let her worm too deep into your life. You and your husband should also have some talks about boundaries - he should not be blaming you for her inappropriate behavior. If you don't get in the same page now, this spells a lot of trouble for your marriage going forward
    via u/captaintightpantzz
  • AnxietyQueeeeen 13h ago . NTA - She had every intention to go through your suitcase to begin with, she just needed the excuse. It was never about the vitamins.
    via u/AnxietyQueeeeen
  • Grouchy-Storm-67... . 13h ago Once you get home, put locking doorknobs on your bedroom door and any other space you do not want her nosey bat in! Make sure your IL's do not have a key to your home or the garage code; if they do, change it immediately!
    via u/Grouchy-Storm-6758
  • She is going to be a problem in your marriage. Especially when you start having children. I think marriage counseling could help you get ahead of some issues if you start soon! Good luck
    via u/Grouchy-Storm-6758
  • Donutsmell • 13h ago NTA. She was being pushy about the vitamins to begin with. Then, she rooted through your packed suitcase. It's none of her business what you pack and wear. It's good that your husband spoke to her about
    via u/Donutsmell
  • boundaries, but it isn't great that he also partially blamed you for "letting" her near your suitcase. I have a feeling he is going to have to set lots of boundaries with your mil in the future. Hopefully, he will get better at it soon. Enjoy your honeymoon!
    via u/Donutsmell
  • HappyGardener52 • 13h ago NTA. However, this was a teaching moment. Hope you took notes. Now you know you have to keep your MIL in sight at all times so she doesn't go through your belongings. You're going to need those vitamins.....you might have some rough times ahead. Happy Honeymoon!!
    via u/HappyGardener52
  • BC_Auron 13h ago She knew the answer and the question was solely made to shame you. What exactly was she "helping" with... She has no business going through your clothes. She can b t out. NTA
    via u/BC_Auron
  • bdbtz 13h ago . Nta she is ill mannered and your husband making excuses saying you should have baby sat a grown woman around your belongings is not a fun start to the honeymoon.
    via u/bdbtz
  • Front Tour1583 • 13h ago . NTA. You told her you could put it away and she insisted. And then she very much violated a boundary. That's wildly inappropriate.
    via u/FrontTour1583
  • pixie-ann 12h ago . NTA please tell me your in- laws don't have a key to your home. You know she'll be in there, snooping. Your husband is a bit of an too. He should be in total support of you, not asking you to let his mother ride roughshod over you with her complete lack of manners and respect.
    via u/pixie-ann

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Wedding Themes family drama bride marriage wedding party honeymoon nosy mean wedding in laws mother in law story brides family reddit thread Reddit bullying weddings
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